My Journey to Jesus – Part 1

My journey to Jesus was one I wasn’t prepared for. I paid no attention to God; I was completely consumed with my own life and growing my business. I’m ashamed to say I never even considered Him. I wasn’t sure if He was even real.

Over the next few blog posts, I will share my story of how Jesus changed my life. Those who know me may well think I’ve lost the plot, and at the time, I honestly thought I was losing my mind.

Now, though, after knowing God and seeing the changes He has made in my life, I know He’s 100% real. I know every word of the Bible is true. I know because there is a physical change and transformation I’ve gone through, and I will never go back to the life I had before.

I’m so honoured to be able to write these posts and share the truth with all those who are ready to consider that there might be more to life than the physical world we see. I promise you, the God I know, the God of the Bible, Jesus Christ, His plans for you are far greater than you can ever imagine. And I know He can change your life too, you just need to turn to Him willingly.

I hope my story helps you in some way.

Growing Up

I grew up in a small town with both my parents active in my life. My sister and I attended Sunday School for a short while around the age of 8, but I can’t remember anything that was taught while we were there. The only memory I have of Sunday School was when I was using my new coloured pencils.

One year, we both received a children’s Bible for Christmas. I remember I liked looking through it, but again, I don’t remember reading it, and certainly didn’t understand what it was about.

We both went to a Church of England primary school, and only now, being saved, did I realise what the C.E. stood for! During school assembly, say the Lord’s Prayer, and do the nativity at Christmas.

These were all things we just did out of routine or tradition, and certainly not because we really understood or believed in God. It was just the things we did. I can’t ever remember God being properly explained to me as a child. We were told about Jesus and that He was the Son of God, but what did that even mean?

My dad always said he didn’t believe in anything, but my mum has always believed in God.  She believed, but never took the time to read the Bible because it was all in old English text, which made no sense to her. Did it make sense to anyone? It was so difficult to read and understand.

Mum would attend church randomly throughout the years as an adult, mainly because her mum encouraged her and the rest of the family to when she was a child, and so, she would go because she thought that’s what you did. She says she always felt something, but she never looked any closer and didn’t know the God of the Bible, and so, neither did we.

Quitting Full-Time Employment

In 2016, I’d been in the same job for 13 years, and it was always a fast-paced job where we had strict deadlines each week. Frequently, I would need to do overtime, going in early and finishing very late. I didn’t really have a life outside of this. The final straw came when I least expected it; the build-up of pressure had got worse and worse the longer I stayed there. Enough was enough.

I spoke with my boss and handed my notice in. I must admit, I lied and didn’t tell him or anyone else there the real reason why I was leaving, because I didn’t want to be talked around into staying. I just knew I needed to get out of there.

I had already started my own business and would work on it at weekend and any chance I got during the week, which was minimal. So my intention after leaving was to build my business further to where I could take control of my life and how I spent my time, and where I could financially support myself. But I had no idea I was burnt out. It was only when I quit my job and had some time to myself that I actually rested, and realised I was completely exhausted.

I spent 3 months doing nothing. I couldn’t. I rested, cried, and slept. That’s it.

Burnout forced me to stop.

Looking back, I can see how God was moving. He needed me to stop the insanely busy work life and all the distractions so I could actually hear Him.

Not long after quitting my job, my boyfriend at the time was struggling himself, and the relationship ended. So, trying to deal with burnout and a breakup was difficult. But to everyone looking from the outside, everything looked normal.

First Experience of the Spiritual

Unfortunately, I swapped one crazy work life for another.

Over the span of 2016-2019, I built a thriving business where I brought in thousands of pounds each month, but it wouldn’t take long for me to realise I was headed for burnout again! This business had consumed me far more than full-time employment ever had, and I was people-pleasing all over the place.

I had no peace, no time, and no life.

In 2017, I knew I needed some form of self-care, and I was recommended to join an online spiritual group that focused on wellbeing. I knew nothing of the spiritual world, and the days of reciting the Lord’s prayer were long gone. Now and again, I would participate in the Facebook group, trying to understand and learn what was being taught. This was my entry into a spiritual movement. It was a mixture of New Age, New Thought, and the Occult. There were conversations about us having a “higher self”, and if we connected to this version of us, it would guide us to a better life.

I had no idea all this stuff was a bad thing. The people were so lovely, they really cared and wanted to help. These kind and caring people were sadly being deceived by the enemy, and along with me, had no idea. There were often conversations about angels, but no mention of God or Jesus at all.

Energy, vibration, and loving practical steps were at the heart of this movement, and it was something that I would dive deep into after an experience with the lady who ran the group.

One evening, the lady who ran the group was live on Facebook giving card readings, and anyone who wanted a reading should say so in the comments. So, I did. I waited a while as she read for all those before me, and just before she called my name, she said she would put the cards away and read the person’s energy instead and speak on what was revealed to her.

She called my name, and everything she spoke about the pain I felt was true. The worthlessness I felt from my past relationships, my past job, and the physical pain I still felt in my heart. She couldn’t have known any of these things, as I had never shared anything personal about myself before with any of these people.

This confirmation pulled me in; I had such a desire to know more.

I Lost Myself Completely

By the end of 2019, I had completely lost who I was and had no idea what I wanted from my life or business anymore – hello burnout #2.

Everything I thought and did was about my clients and their businesses. I’d forgotten how to live my life. It was like I’d forgotten how to function as me; I completely lost myself.

I had no idea what I liked anymore, what I enjoyed, or what I wanted from life. Everything had become about everyone else and their needs.

I hated it.

At the end of 2019, the spiritual group I was in were holding a retreat, and I felt like I had to go, so I did, even though I was filled with anxiety. It was so refreshing being around people, and such lovely ones at that. It made me realise I needed to focus more on my mental health and setting boundaries with my clients.

2020 rolled around, and it was time I made some changes, so I cut down my clients to the bare minimum and embarked on a journey to find out who I was and what I really wanted.

It was hard!

Having space to think was new to me, and I really struggled at first to allow myself to just stop being so busy all the time. I would sit in the chair just wondering what to do with my time. It was so difficult! I couldn’t even relax to put a film on as I felt like I should have been doing something. My mind was a constant chatter of things I should be doing, shouldn’t be doing, what I’ve done wrong, etc.

Going Deeper into Spirituality

I spent a lot of time journaling and questioning why I felt and thought the way I did, how I could have a better quality of life, and what needed to change. I tried all sorts of wellness and spiritual courses, and various energetic tools and techniques to see what modalities I enjoyed the most. It was a free-for-all. Anything goes, and if I wanted, I could ‘create my own destiny’.

I was completely consumed with the magic and wonder of it all. Every day, I would carry out various rituals and exercises using manifestation techniques, spiritual wealth bowls, oracle/tarot cards, numerology, and on top of it all, I was identifying and clearing energy blocks within my body with my pendulum.

At the same time, I signed up for a business mastermind because, in my very confused mind, I thought I needed to quit my business and do something completely different. Thinking this would fix all my problems.

My mind would constantly feel blocked, like something was in the way of my brain working. It was as if a wall had been set up in my mind, and the information I wanted was behind it, completely inaccessible to me. I would try to think about what I wanted to do with my life, and nothing would come through at all. It was the only time my mind was empty.

The business mastermind had a great group of women in it, and we clicked instantly. The conversations helped us all in different ways and allowed me to see how other people lived. We focused a lot on building our businesses, and I was also instructed on how to unblock my mind to figure out more about myself and what I wanted. All by changing my language and the words I used when I spoke.

Being a business mastermind, we focused on making money, big money, and the coach used practical techniques, but also spoke about using energy to help us achieve it. Alongside this, I also participated in NLP sessions.

There was a problem; these women became my crutch, and I had no idea.

I stayed in the mastermind for two rounds, 6 months each time. When the second round ended in April 2021, none of us five renewed. We decided we would meet up each month ourselves instead to catch up and try to keep each other accountable. This worked well for us all, and I loved how our friendships had developed.

During the mastermind, I qualified as a Pendulum Healer and Teacher, which led me to start a business where I helped clients clear energetic blocks. I did one-to-one sessions and also sold pendulums. I got great results for my clients, and I tried building this business alongside my first one.

So now I had two businesses, and even though I had made huge leaps in understanding more about myself, fulfilment was still very much absent.

Each day, I carried out energy-clearing sessions on myself where I released trapped emotions and energetic blocks. I could feel a heavy weight lifting off me as I did so. Every day, I felt like I was advancing my skills and becoming freer of the blocks in my mind. In the book, The Body Code, it taught me about releasing trapped emotions. The author, Dr Bradley Nelson, spoke about praying to Jesus beforehand and asking for His help in releasing and guiding the sessions. So, I did. Unsure if Jesus was real, I still did it. But then this quickly got me thinking and challenging this idea of Jesus being in control.

I would change Jesus to “The Highest Power”. I realised that anything but The Highest Power was a waste of my time.

What if Jesus wasn’t the highest power? Nothing could ever compare to The Highest Power, so why not go straight to the source… whatever it was?

Jesus Spoke and Calmed the Chaos in My Mind

Approximately, around June-July of 2021 (I still can’t believe I didn’t write the actual date down!), I got into bed after a crazy day of work, everything seemed to be going wrong that day, and my mind was racing. For as long as I can remember, my mind has always been full of chatter, but nothing like this. This was totally out of control.

That night, as I lay in bed, my mind started thinking, going from one thing to another, and another and another and another. It got faster and faster and faster and faster! It got to the point where I had no idea what I was even thinking anymore, and it was completely out of my control to stop it; it was absolutely terrifying. I felt like I was drowning in a mental storm.

Not knowing what to do, in my head, I screamed out to all the gods, angels and spiritual beings I had learned about, even my nan, and at the end, I said, “God, help me!”

Instantly, a man’s voice came and said, “Be still”. 

My mind went silent.

I was stunned!

That voice was not mine. That was a man’s voice! That voice was inside my head, but it wasn’t me!

I had no idea who or what the heck said it (because I ran through anything I could think of, in sheer panic, about all the things I had learnt), but I was so grateful for the peace. Finally, I was able to sleep. In the morning, it was such a scary thought to even consider who it was that stopped that chaos, and so, I pushed it out of my mind, thought no more of it, and carried on my life as usual.

Little did I know it, but so much more was to come! Continue the story in Part 2.